Thursday, May 3, 2007

all the small things.

Ever feel like you wanted to do something but your mind is telling you no? but you really really really want to? sigh. but before you think it's something kinky...this thought is more about lack of time. You have responsibilities - to your work, to your family, to your friends and the one most ignored, yourself.

My life is pretty full now. But in a good way. Work the whole day. Make time for dinners and coffee to catch up on others' lives. A few drinks on some fridays with those friends who only come out near midnight. like bats or night owls. weekends with the family on sunday. saturdays all to myself. I have nothing to complain about. Just being able to sit and read my books now are what I enjoy the most. I am STILL finishing Kafka on the Shore. It has taken me forever but you relish each page flip and each adventure that kafka undertakes since he's run away from home. the liberation he feels is a vicarious dish.

I am actually pretty excited about an upcoming project. There's a term i've come to think of for the past three years: GIVE BACK. In one conversation with Allan from Chicago, I asked him why he volunteered at the medical mission. I mean, he's a finance manager. When he was younger his dad, a doctor, had forced him to go. But now he goes at his own accord. Every single year. He travels here to visit the less fortunate and for an American, its pretty depressing to only get to see the medical cases. But he says its because he's been so happy and blessed - a good family, successful career and he just wants to give it back. Good values. So anyway, I'll be meeting with some doctors soon to discuss the Operation Smile project. It's actually part of my job now but I actually get to do something i've wanted personally. How great is that? It's the closest thing I'll get to the medical mission. Something I have yet to gather the nerve to do.

For the past...six years? Well, I was still in college - I wanted to volunteer at the Home for the Aged. A Christmas project I have yet to plan and implement. Sad to say, selfishness and responsibilities of my current life always play a hindrance. It's a heavy month of sales, shopping and family trips. I used to get caught up in exams which fell on december, now its highest sales expectancy so work keeps me too busy. The concept of "excuses" comes to mind but trust me, I've tried. Or maybe I tried to do it all myself. I need to ask for help.

Think this is also why I fell for a doctor. Someone who's life embodies what I've always wanted. Or the film maker who promoted the Mission and is a professional volunteer. Someone who shares the same desires and values.

With all the changes this year, who knows. This year it might be different.

posted by maldita @ 1:17 AM

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