i've been blogging a lot lately. I've been posting a lot of photos on multiply and just taking a lot of time to calm my insides. i suppose it's the result of trying not to talk much lately. people have been open and understanding but that's all i need to know. I don't need the psychobabble or the passionate retaliation. i'm trying to focus on the positive although it is hard. What's that saying...if it was easy then it didn't mean anything at all.
and then i begin to think of how this is how things should be. It really is better now. Your mind tells you this until you're fully healed. It keeps you sane, to use your logic to settle those murmurs. I had a dream the other day and told the guys about it. Pretty funny stuff and shows my subconcious trying to send me that message. A brick house - the fear I had for so long. And the guys had my back in the nick of time. They were there to save me from that big angry monster, but only after I asked. I know this may sound surreal to you, you would get it if I told you the whole story.
i really wanted to have dinner or something with them this weekend but i'll be in pampanga. sigh. i am really hoping for that merit increase so I can afford to escape on another road trip. but then again i'll be going to singapore in a few weeks so i suppose i'll extend my weekend then. i'm just rambling now. so i'll just post again another day...also just realized how much i've been travelling lately...
This is my world. This is who I am. And I'm not gonna give up myself to make your life better. And you want me to change. I can't get used to
all you want me to be and I just can't pretend to be anyone else 'cause it's not really me. - Darius Rucker
