ah another sunday. I can say i'm still sensitive to loud noises from last friday's festivities. This hangover can last too long. But sundays are always relaxing. It seems to go by so fast that I completely miss it hanging out in my room or bed, to be exact. What's even better is that tomorrow is a holiday - and yet all i can think of is going to the office to clean up my clutter. The disorganization has been getting to me. So much wasted time and lack of foresight. I need to get back in gear.
Last night i stayed in and watched Click. Everyone's been telling me to catch that flick and I'm glad that I did. The metaphor cited on finding just cereal instead of a pot of gold does ring true. Not like we all don't know it already. I have had many a conversation about the need to balance the life. It is possible - without forsaking any responsibilities or deadlines. I have observed that after a certain age, I've stopped pushing too far. And yet still find myself, unwittingly, trying to reach my own high expectations. If only for personal pride. Just to be able to say I was not mediocre. I did not live life without giving it my all.
Relationships included. I know I've given my whole commitment. My loyalty and my passions. If it was not meant for me, then it is what was supposed to happen. But not for lack of commitment. Maybe these men are just not my match. Sometimes you think it is...and yet Someone knows better.
Last Friday was Frances' bridal shower cum girls night out. For all the years we've known each other, this was the first time we've gone out on a long night. Think we got home at 3 or 4am. I prepared tiaras for all the girls and of course the bride-to-be had the nicest and bigger one with an ostrich feather boa to boot. I have to admit it was cute. Told her it was meant to be her honeymoon outfit. haha! I think she enjoyed it :) Plus the girls and I had so much catching up to do - there wasn't a dull moment when we had nothing to talk about. Topics ranged from extremes and I can't remember laughing that much.
And last night I thought of sending a sweet message to one of my best-est buddies for his birthday but decided it was better to give him a call. Great. Answering service. But he called back immediately and in about 30 minutes we got up to date on everything. I miss that guy so much. Both lying in bed and exchanging thoughts of state-of-our-personal-nations. If only we could have been talking in one bed and just falling asleep after. Lately I've been thinking about going to New York more often than not. We made pseudo-plans of meeting up in May next year when the weather is much more pleasant. A vacation would be well deserved and I can imagine all the great adventures I could have in just three weeks. I've never been to New York and I'm really getting excited about visiting. Who knows what would lie ahead for me?
I am young. 30 years to be exact going on 31. So many would think that is old (that would be me) and so many tell me I'm still young. When I met this guy Tim a few years ago he told me he was going to Europe. I asked why and he said, it was a goal he had by the time he reached 30. And he did. I had two goals all my life - to build my parents a dream house and to be a manager by age 30. I got one down. But I think it's time to think of yet another one to aspire for. Starting a family would be out of the question. Somehow I know I would be happy with it but I can't settle for the mediocre possibilities at the moment. Like I said, I hate mediocrity. In everything I do. All out baby.
I'm already computing how much my birthday is going to set me back. My guest list has grown from the estimated 20 to a larger 45. And that's just a very minimal set. It would be good to get everyone together though. What's nice with throwing a party is it makes you think of giving thanks to the sweethearts in your life. Whether they were there in moment of crisis or for a much needed diversion, they are part of one's end credits.
This is my world. This is who I am. And I'm not gonna give up myself to make your life better. And you want me to change. I can't get used to
all you want me to be and I just can't pretend to be anyone else 'cause it's not really me. - Darius Rucker
