| Saturday, February 2, 2008 |
| it intoxicates your mind |
there was a lapse for a moment there. I had just gone on a downward spiral and then when I woke up today, i felt much much better. had to go through this debilitating period wherein i blamed myself for the inability of a relationship to work. I lost sight of reason and just relegated to the fact that this person was better than me. but that isn't true. in my refusal to get mad at him for how I was treated, it just isn't supposed to merit any significance, really. I almost started bashing him yet again only to stop myself and gather some composure. I had accepted his selfishness and until this moment - feel all the ingratitude that he had shown me. i regret the whole relationship for all its worth since it only delayed my life instead of making me feel loved. I had just thought it was real at the time.
starting today my week is full of things to look forward to. I got a call from a US multinational, frances is in town and the girls are getting together for dinner on monday, i'm meeting anns later on in the afternoon for some shopping, it's my brother's birthday on friday and the day before that I have a dinner in dampa - first time! Then on saturday I'm invited to the formal art auction at the CCP and have the chance to get all dolled up for the benefit of the st. francis de sales foundation for the hearing impaired. It is no surprise that the efforts I've made to have more social change for the poor is worth more woops in my peace of mind than my monthly paycheck. And will be going with a friend of mine as my date. after years of going out, he and i have found the common agreement that our lives have changed and we welcome the slower and simpler pace that we've found. Something only someone who has gone through more than 30 years of their life would realize - usually. He had almost gotten married a few years back. We have a common reason for wanting to spend the rest of our lives with someone else - you look forward to taking care of someone other than yourself with all that you can. So we hold out for that time and person when it feels right.
That's another thought. In your twenties you tend to be selfish while trying to build up your directions and future. Everything is not so clear yet and that uncertainty can engulf you. Which is why I should never have gone for someone younger than me. It was doomed from lack of insight. You will eventually be overwhelmed by the thought that this world exists with or without you. And that you goal in life is to do good for others. You never know what's going to happen around the bend.
I think it is great how this other friend, miko for instance has put his career on hold to work full time on the foundation to raise funding. Being an architect, his focus on these children instead of his personal projects makes me admire him more than any rich guy out there. So it goes back to the person I fell in love with. It had a lot to do with his dedication to help other people. When that faded, so did all the reasons within me.
so i put my feelings out to dry
love, one day again,
i'll have to try.
falling out, making up
it seems such a silly game
why do i never gain?
If there's music in the night,
And it's really, really right,
It's the only thing I need.
it intoxicates your mind
All your troubles left behind
So come on and take my lead.
it's not just me who feels it
music plays a mind trick
watch me forget about missing you
One day we will be walking along the quiet streets, find a park and enjoy the good book. Relish both the sun and shade. A welcome respite from the early years of emotional vampires who almost squeezed you dry. And we'll be glad that we took this turn. |
posted by maldita @ 11:41 AM  |
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| 3 Comments: |
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Yes, one day, we'll look back, and laugh. :)
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wait wait...i just checked your profile and realized you're a girl?! and your photo seems more with the guy in the shot. I'm confused :S
in any case, tara! let's laugh about it! hehe
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ahaha. :) i am a girl. i write such girly things too. hehe. i'll change my profile pic na nga. :p
oh well, let's just take each day as it comes... and someday things will be alright. :)
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This is my world. This is who I am. And I'm not gonna give up myself to make your life better. And you want me to change. I can't get used to
all you want me to be and I just can't pretend to be anyone else 'cause it's not really me. - Darius Rucker
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Yes, one day, we'll look back, and laugh. :)