a contrast of ideas between my recent movie love and can't-get-out-of-my-head song...
Surprisingly the movie, Meet the Robinson's had an appropriate message that came at just the right time. Just what the doctor ordered - aside from bumping into so many people at Park Square 1. People just generally bored at home and got off their asses to pass the time. It's nice to be missed. Since I hardly venture out at night anymore, it was such a welcome sight to see some old drinking friends - Jose and Keith. Enjoyed the afternoon so much that lost track of time until the sun went down. They helped me contemplate as to my next new hobby or venture. Now I've started thinking again...hopefully my excitement builds up over time. The lesson of the movie and afternoon delight? Keep Moving Forward.
But in my head, this song keeps ringing like a relentless bell. But I refuse to stop moving. I hate waiting.
i prefer to stop remembering the past. and what has been said. because so much has changed. there's really nothing to hold me back.
sometimes you wanna be angry but then you just end up sad.
got teased so much today and my immediate reaction would be to throw a fit. If only to make them stop. But I didn't. Just kept quietly to myself and went back to work. It happened for no particular reason. Several guys just thought, on the same day, that it would be fun to tell me at different times of the day that "you should just give in and accept that you'll never get married or have a kid". To them it was a joke. To me...well let's just say, if i was trying to avoid drama, it has pretty much started a storm inside. See, being one of the guys is fine on most days. But then, I suppose I am still a girl. And the reason for teasing is to get a reaction. I refused them that. But their work was done.
How can i be in my thirties, working and still get the same treatment from boys in kindergarten? the only difference is, back in kindergarten I actually beat those boys up. Literally. I threw punches and pulled them by their shirts when they teased me or other girls.
Sometimes its much better to be a kid and get away with it.
But so what...i'll just write this off my chest and get back to planning my best friend's baby shower.
what do you do when you feel nothing? this is where drama kings and drama queens begin to form before your very eyes! sometimes in order for us to feel some semblance of emotion in our usually listless days or nights...you can create some delusion that possibly the world is supposed to revolve around you and because things don't go your way, you are thus entitled to throwing a tantrum. cue: howl's moving castle.
i am doing all i can to stop myself from going into that deep dark hole. hiding out at home most of the time. sure enough staying late in the office until 8pm when everyone else has gone home is also another way. plus I get some stuff done in the process. thinking of others' welfare also helps. looking out for them and reveling in others' successes or new relationships is another reason to smile each day. so what if my life is in a standstill or even worse, a spinning hamster wheel. going nowhere. it's all ok. and as my long-lost friend M said - don't you know deep down that no matter what will be, it will all be alright?
i suppose i am also wondering which is better - to think positive and get this actual picture of the future. Isn't that what the inspide Secret tells us? and then you hear a story in which someone didn't expect it all to happen - it just did. so do you expect or you don't?
I've been wishing on a star but I never could have imagined I would land just where you are after all this lonesome travelling Took one look in your eye, reached out to hold your hand This is when I realized what I could never understand
Do you want to be my one and only love?
So you wanna be my friend, so you wanna be my lover With you I do confess I can't be one without the other That was hard for me to say, I hope I said it right Which ever, come what may, you see I need to know tonight
Do you want to be my one and only love?
Do you want to play these cards, do you want to lay them down? Do you want to run away or do you want to stick around?
I'm making a nice little playlist for my cousin's upcoming wedding. I found several songs that would be perfect. I need to share with M also...as he prepares for his anniversary.
I feel mostly detached from everything. I don't know if it could just be the fatigue setting in. What's nice was getting to talk with N for a bit earlier. kind of like getting shot back to earth - when you have good friends, you're ok.
Like last tuesday i got an impromptu invitation to hang out with the "buds". They were sweet as always. (think they also know how matampuhin I get hehe) After so many hours of trying to dance in between sweaty people (some shirtless ewww), we gave up. I flaked on the last stop to north park and headed home to my bed. Found out the next day that I had drunk dialed again and can't remember a thing! oh dear oh dear. we just laughed about it the next day when he reminded me of my stupid insane drivel. bwahaha. I am such a lightweight - three drinks! oh geezus. plus I always, always drunk dial him. Good thing he finds it amusing hehe. But it is a clear indication that I would want to end a night out with him - hearing that voice saying to me: laseng ka na naman! bwahaha! If only i remember, right? I should kick myself and stop though. I end up saying stuff I shouldn't!
but back to being detached. I'm starting to get insomnia again. not a good sign. it is always an indication of my innermost anxiety. or could just be the lack of alcohol? tsk tsk.
And what a terrible friend I am...I have not yet gone to visit F! kick kick kick! i miss her. What has all this work done to me? I have become a dull ol' girl who has no free space! after this weekend...it should all change.
And when I held you You would almost always hold me down you could see through everything I said I was falling and you said not to fall on you I've bitten every finger 'till it bled
Wishing that you loved me too Wishing that you loved me too Wishing that
And when I kissed you You would almost always kiss me back But I could tell your mind was with someone else Oh my hands are folded neatly on my lap and I am picturing your body as I ask myself if
You love me too Wishing that you love me too Wishing that
Listen to my nervous laughter sunken deep inside my heart My lips are dry I'm teary eyed For you my love Harken all you fallen angels Help me find a place to rest My head is pounding here beneath the weight of this I'm wishing that
And you know me Oh you know me more than anyone When I hear your voice everything I've done disappears from memory Oh my darling come and save me Tell me I'm the one you're dreaming of Tell me that
You love me too Wishing that you love me too I'm wishing that You love me too
This is my world. This is who I am. And I'm not gonna give up myself to make your life better. And you want me to change. I can't get used to
all you want me to be and I just can't pretend to be anyone else 'cause it's not really me. - Darius Rucker
