I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. ~ Sex & the city
I was browsing through my friend's multiply site and found this quote on her homepage. Aaah. Passion. Isn't it so great? Something that cannot be faked or replicated and yet when we have it - we spur its existence for making us feel miserable for every little disappointment. But when it's gone, you miss it inexplicably to a fault. Catching up with the girls last night, sad to say we still can't avoid talking about other people. At least not about crucifying opinions but more like news reporting. More and more of our friends have actually started saying - yeah we fight nowadays. All I can think of is...so what?!! No one likes to fight but it is a fact of life. When you and your partner are in a passionate situation, you will argue. And simply because you are not the same person and you will always find things you don't agree on. That's what makes you two different individuals. If you find yourself not fighting or arguing about anything and you just go on about each day like it was a routine, THEN you have a problem. Because now you fail to even care.
But no public displays of violence please. I said it's ok to argue. Not throw a hissy fit and crack bones over some menial disagreement of opinion.
Overtone played this song last night and for some reason the band's name slipped out of our heads...so of course had to search for it on youtube...the lyrics doesn't tell a very good story at all but it IS a good song.
And Emmanuel Chriqui is hot! those are the looks I could wish to have ;)
i'm getting flashback fever...looked through all three pages of multiply photo albums and can't believe it's been this many years past. I miss all the girls - sadrina, je, trina, jane, rachel...i bumped into rob last night and we spoke of "soulmates not meant to be" and how we've gone through one hell of a ride and we do admit we've gotten wiser (and older) in the process. And for as long as I could remember, I was the "imelda"...I couldn't drive or get anywhere and my friends always had to pass for me when we made plans. I survived with my dearest driver, Teryo who has now retired. He visited yesterday and I just jumped and hugged him. We caught up on the past year and what has happened. If there's any witness to my whole schooling life, my jobs, my relationships - it was him since he had to take me everywhere. Amazing he remember every single house we've been to like a photographic memory of roads and front gates. I miss him so so much. But of course, we all need to progress so now I can't survive without...my own car.
Nice to know how much people value your friendship. Whether its been three, four, five years. Like I said, hung out with Rob. Got to chat with Carlos one evening. Sadrina, in London, still keeps in touch. Also bumped into Cons last sunday and found out Wil has gotten married and is now in Canada. Amazing how so much happens - and not overnight.
Have we gotten so old that now we look back and reminisce about the good ol' days? Or are we just moving on to different perspectives? I repositioned myself to the other table last night to take part in more airconditioning and all the guys and I kidded about us being a certain age and it's different going out to these bars anymore. Whatever happened to Insomnia? or our apartment parties? Our beach outings? But all i could think of is, I wouldn't want to go back but I'm so glad I went through what I did and lived it up. Teaches tons. I just wonder if I had too much fun for too long. Late blooming of the desire for the stable and steady. Rob even reminded me that the appeal for us is not about the amount of skin you show and all these beach ready bods we used to be surrounded with. it comes when you talk to someone and they are amazing. Of course once in a while I still show up to work in a nice little dress that always gives me the lovely compliments "you're such a girl today! love it!" I love them too! which is why my dress closet is getting really filled nowadays...
Anns called me at the office yesterday and said I sound so happy now. Really? I didn't even notice and not even sure why. I had no stories to tell her. Don't know what happened in the past few weeks that could have changed my disposition, but don't explain don't complain right?
Last night I picked up my little bass baby and started practicing. Just when I got to figure out some notes, my amp just went kaput. Turned the switch on and off but it just konked out I suppose. There goes the new song. I might just drop by somewhere later to get it fixed. I took a leave from work today because...just because. And it's good. Think we deserve it once in a while. I was able to stay out later last night with the guys and pass out drunk with no memory afterwards. Later i'll get to see Anns again and hopefully make it to the despedida in VC. Has anyone seen the Austin Powers room there?? It would be such a hoot!
Speaking of work...I've been consistently performing even with a 25% target increase from last year. Got commended on the good job yesterday and I am pretty happy with what's been happening. Very busy and sometimes scattered but overall - satisfying. Funny when I just tell my friends exactly what I do they think it's just so perfect for me and my personality. I think so too. It's nice to grow with it. I'm glad I never compromised my work ethic no matter what other demands from relationships expected. As Marts told me - your job isn't who you are but it is a part of what makes you.
Last thursday Pimpdaddymac and enz came over. We pigged out on CPK, Brooklyn and some stuff mom whipped up in the kitchen. We watched dvd's and bumped around the sofa of no return. True enough, we lost track of time and realized it was 1 in the morning and we all had work the next day. yeesh. still woke up and made it on time. I have just one more day to accomplish a month without a single late time-in. Keeping my fingers crossed! The first and last time I got a clean slate was April 2007.
Man, I really jump thoughts like a (yikes!) frog in the pads. This is what happens when you just take it easy and spend the whole day at home. Good for the stress nerves. Good for the peace of mind. Oh well. It's just gibberish but needed a play-by-play...cue song: thanks for the memories...Been looking forward to the future But my eyesight is going bad. In this crystal ball it's always cloudy except for when you look into the past...
I am still contemplating whether I should write this or not…but here goes. There is no privacy anymore. Whether it’s the current blog-of-the-moment spilling everyone’s dirty secrets or your personal page of photos and facts about yourself. I know a lot of people who are very sensitive about it that they refuse to participate either directly or indirectly with peer sites. I for one have written countless entries about why I think I write in this blog.Aside from the fact that I’ve been doing it for more than five years! But more than a habit, it has been a nice means of practicing my writing, a commerce with my emotions and recent thoughts or sometimes just a means of imparting my daily duties to friends and family.For whatever reason, it is a risk. A hazard in which I voluntarily engage in where I could be criticized or even stalked.I refuse to give in to whatever impudence I may be faced with – it could be an ex-boyfriend or his current girlfriend spying on me, it could be someone passing judgment and creating their own conclusions of who I am – all based on a few morsels of html that I willingly endow them with.I have been disparaged in the past by something I had written – I own up to that and had apologized. It taught me to be more careful with words, both written or verbally cited.But now it bothers me when I see someone’s face or IP address on my personal sites.Not that they are really private given their online nature. I shouldn’t be. By being there I have given them the license to look and leer all they want.I just hope that people remain open to what they are being given privilege to.Well, I’m only speaking for myself anyway.My open communication is not meant to be harmful so I hope that nobody uses it for malicious intents.
I'm a new soul I came to this strange world Hoping I could learn a bit bout how to give and take But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear Finding myself making every possible mistake
See I'm a young soul in this very strange world Hoping I could learn a bit bout what is true and fake But why all this hate? try to communicate Finding trust and love is not always easy to make
one of my favorite animated features of all time is Spirited Away. It brought me through so many experiences that I have yet to have. No need for some cosmic connection to past lives and loves. Doesn't hurt that there was a dragon involved either. Like a little girl lost, it is a good thing to find your way again. To forget the past grievances with loved ones and accept that there is something bigger for you to accomplish - maybe not for yourself but to help others. And on that path - you ironically find what you are looking for. Haku.
I thank henry fool for introducing me to Hayao Miyazaki. The best story teller of all time. One of my goals is to make it to Japan to the Ghibli museum. I would need to book a reservation one year in advance though. But worth it. I would see displays for Kiki's Delivery Service (jiji!) and Howl's Moving Castle - the movie that taught me no one has died from being depressed.
I once had the chance to buy the complete Miyazaki collection but my cash fell short :( Someday I should be able to get it...
Help me, Lord, I thought I found it Just like a dream turned out all wrong Don't feel the same madness about me now Don't feel the hurting when I'm gone Don't feel the wonder or the sweetness Don't feel the aching need to share Don't feel the way I feel without you girl Just the flowers in your hair
Should I never look into your eyes again Should I never want to make the call Should I never need you like my only friend Should I read the writing on the wall
It's just as simple as a feeling Just as simple as these cards Why do I feel so god damn complicated Don't feel the aching need to share
It keeps coming back without you Like a boomerang through my heart And cursed cupid even found me alone Into the wound another dart
Should I never look into your eyes again Should I never want to give my all Should I ever need you like my only friend Should I read the writing on the wall
And all of those themes Hoping our dream would fall together Never to be, if only one dreamer dreams of love
Help me, Lord, I thought I found it Just like a dream turned out all wrong Don't feel the same madness about me now She loves to hear the sadness in my song
- Boomerang by Steven Strait
I am in melancholy. Been detached from this plane and into a seemingly floaty existence. I suppose this is the reason for my persistent sadness. When you want to let go of anger, it is all that is left. I find comfort in all the sweetness and "yummy" compliments...my saving angels. If not for this, I would probably creep and sink around into my pillows. Tomorrow is another day. Maybe my writing will come back to me.
no matter how many times it happens, it is just painful to know that someone can just decide that you are not worth caring for. today tiff asked me when I was going on my trip. She knows i've been saving money for it. had to tell her that my vacation i have been diligently saving for a year and working hard for is now cancelled due to all that has happened. her "boo!" just made me laugh for a momentary second.
It's all part of the grand plan. Just not mine.
And i just think...at least he's happy now.
Ane, wish you were here. Just like you were there for me in that park bench at seven in the morning three years ago.
here i was working till the wee hours of the morning when someone mentioned the whole gucci gang blog that everyone has been talking about. To which my friend said - do you live in manila? how can you not know about it?? well aside from the fact that i purposely avoid getting involved in controversies, and constantly believe ignorance is bliss...my life has really changed in recent years. even more so now with much focus on work. i had to finish something late last night so had to cancel my drinks with M at greenbelt. tsk tsk, very bad. but then again, that's all it has been about - work. i'm not complaining though because I know I have it good currently. But here I am after an hour of prep for the launch today. After so much product info in my head though, i'm just worrying about the summer themed outfit i'm supposed to wear to the presscon. See? still have priorities hehe.
but i suppose a lot of us are relishing other people's lives for lack of substance in our own. I find myself talking about what's happening with other people because honestly, i don't have much to share about my life - well as compared to last year. it has been pretty steady although not boring. Boring maybe to others but like I already said, things have changed. Even gone are the days when i like the sociable man in my life. Now I just want someone quiet who isn't out to socially mingle with the whole world but me. I prefer the one I can rely on - my rock. I'm tired of being the rock for everyone else. my turn baby.
Speaking of babies, and not all the weddings lately, I was just talking to some girlfriends about the cost of having one now. Have a friend who is killing herself putting her kid to Zobel, Southridge...and she has three. Now my old drinking buddy has told me she's on her 4th pregnancy. Whoa. Think you need to be a millionaire to raise four kids and put them to the right schools etc. And the baby expenses...i'm even in saving mode so this puts a strain on my calculating brain. Well at least with my cancelling my US trip I have lots more funding to invest or time deposit.
can't get this song out of my head. I also think the lyrics are on the DOT! hehe. only gonna play the fool one time. well, here is my weekly report. Haven't had much time to blog - with more responsibilities dropped on my lap - it is about time I got promoted! but that's another private story. I've just been trying to get whatever few hours of sleep I can find. Just today I was awake at 8am and took a short nap around 10. After a day spent at high street with the girls, I just finished another turtle nap before I head out for another engagement.
Every day this week - I decide to go home early after work to get some more shut eye, then something comes up so I have to head out again. Had dinner and drinks with Anns at Masas. Took out M for a supposedly early dinner at Dencio's but we ended up in Ponti and I got to see the boys. Found out Robbie pala was in town! but since I was pretty preoccupied with M, I didn't get to talk to him much. The next day we kind of got distracted from the rest of the world talking about art films, jazz and what not. Good thing someone came by to say everyone was looking for him to get some stuff done before his flight. hehe. My whole morning was shot but I don't know why I got caught up in it. Got a really nice message from the airport though so that's cool.
Last night had a thing at Dusit where I was dreading bumping into the dad of wretch but luckily I got to avoid any awkward moment. I escaped early enough and just passed out at home. I suppose it was also a good week because me and J are doing ok now. We got to talk and hang out several times...
Well this is just me rambling on my appointments and activities of the week. Nothing much to report except for one unexpected delightful day. It is always a good thing when the interest is sparked for one reason and not the other. yeah yeah, i'm vague ;)
Next week think i'll plan another dinner with my favorite munchers and also hang out with E who has been out of town this week. I'm somehow in the mood to go dancing with some R&B in Piedra again...
March 29, 2007 was a Sydney event. March 29, 2008 is a global movement.
There is a project that is undergoing implementation. It will take a lot of us to make the difference. In the hopes to reduce the effects of climate change, Earth Hour is one hour in the year where everyone can help. All you need to do is dine, sleep or whatever else you want in the dark. For one hour. Turn all your lights off. That's all it takes.
This happens on March 29 from 8:00 to 9:00pm. Sixty minutes in candlelight or the moonlight. That's all. Every individual can help. Every big company can help.
Hopefully a lot of people in manila can find a way to make this happen.
see the video of how millions of people in Sydney did it last year. It is beautiful in every way.
i like today's quote: Life is a succession of moments, To live each one is to succeed. As long as you are pushing forward, no matter how many disappointments or challenges - it is still an accomplishment. i'm going to replicate someone else's posts hehe...last thursday went to Claw Daddy's at High Street and we kinda pigged out on the sexay seafood...we didn't get to use the pail because we decided against the crab. Took me long enough to order but I got the pink snapper with shrimp and lobster risotto. The others got the surf n' turf which is salpicao with lobster. The man seated next to us had a large crab, an oyster as big as your palm AND a steak. Now that's pigging out! haha! The nights have been colder now and today, even the morning until noon is still nice and chilly. A new place has opened in the fort also - think it's called CAV wine bar - sounds good. Guess i'll check it out next week with the girls naman.
This was a pretty challenging week - in all aspects. The "backyard buds" still gathered every day but of course tuesday came with some bad news. I tried to take it in and not break down but it got more difficult when A hugged me. If I was feeling really hurt, she was feeling really angry at the person who inflicted this all on me. Sounds like all my friends at this point. Not because of all that happened but because of the really insensitive lies that don't seem to consider me as a human being with feelings. Sucks right? What she can't stand is that her fam already has a good opinion of me and i'm the one who's been wronged and yet i'm the one being slandered. I just don't want to fight it or defend myself anymore - i'd rather ignore it all. They can believe what they want. I don't want to care about what they think of me. I just know that I cared and I was sincere with everything I did. I have nothing to feel guilty about.
Enough about that. For every tear that pours out, it's another month of my past life gone away from my memory. And that's good. And now here is March. I have a lot to look forward to. Performance has been picking up again and have three major projects coming, including a golf tournament in April. My weeks are filled with all these dinners with my sweetie pies and the periodic "sexy time" hollers keep me uplifted.
listen to this "love song" i've posted...it's so lovely! pun very much intended. the breathing IS easy...
Head under water And they tell me to breathe easy for a while The breathing gets harder, even I know that You made room for me but it's too soon to see If I'm happy in your hands
I'm unusually hard to hold on to Blank stares at blank pages No easy way to say this You mean well, but you make this hard on me I'm not gonna write you a love song 'cause you asked for it 'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song 'cause you tell me it's Make or break in this If you're on your way I'm not gonna write you to stay If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better Reason to write you a love song today
I learned the hard way That they all say things you want to hear And my heavy heart sinks deep down under you and Your twisted words, Your help just hurts You are not what I thought you were Hello to high and dry Convinced me to please you Made me think that I need this too I'm trying to let you hear me as I am
If your heart is nowhere in it I don't want it for a minute Babe, I'll walk the seven seas when I believe that There's a reason to Write you a love song today
This is my world. This is who I am. And I'm not gonna give up myself to make your life better. And you want me to change. I can't get used to
all you want me to be and I just can't pretend to be anyone else 'cause it's not really me. - Darius Rucker
