now is the time when everyone thinks of all their bad habits and attempt to begin new ones. in hopes that they will replace the old with something better. hmm...do i have bad habits? hehe. we all do I suppose. but ironically there are only two new year's resolutions for me. And of course we all know that writing them down actually helps achieve that elusive optimistic frame of mind. So first - learning to be patient. A worry-wart at heart, I pretty much panic at the sight of something uncertain and just turn around and walk away. It's a fear I guess. Or a desire to control everything and everyone. So this is the year of letting go. Do everything you can even if it means risking a lot. No regrets. Just courage.
Second - achieve the dream. Everyone knows what this is. I think it has been what - about three years in the making? This will be more difficult and there are so many possibilities that again, here comes the need to have courage and patience. But with great risk comes - not responsibility - but dedication. It's not enough to just wait. It is important to live your own life and do what you need to do. Whether difficult or not. I think I already have the resources, the framework that I have been building for, again, three years. And this year is the time to grab it!
So there's my new years resolutions. Nothing fancy. Not based on a book like The Secret or a movie. Just having known myself and having learned so much from others makes it even more challenging and exciting.
Just finished my new green arrow comic. God only knows how much i've needed an escape from all the drama going on inside my head - something i really don't need. This is what happens when you have too much time on your hands. Am on leave the whole week and i'm just not used to it. It's an unexpected surprise to see who you can count on though - after a very inebriated and animated evening out with the guys last night, I woke up with a bit more knowledge on certain things. Thank you to the wonderful beer called Delirium hehe. And then span on across the waters of bora where V gave me a much needed call and advice. It's as if all the answers are coming to me. Not the ones I wanted but maybe what I have to face. My path has yet to be lit but for now the focus is unavoidably evident. Anything can happen. A new year is coming and at least I can say that I've tried to do more good than not. Anns and Frances have also been giving me so much encouragement, it would be a sin not to listen.
I can see someone's future. A very good one. I don't know why. Though it has nothing to do with me I am very optimistic. Michael: I'm in love with your daughter Stephen, Maybe that doesn't mean anything you but I'm standing here. I am looking you in the eyes and I'm telling you I will do anything in the world to get your daughter back. Stephen: Really? Michael: Really. Stephen: Anything? Michael: I'll do anything. Stephen: People say that, they don't mean it. Michael: But I mean it! Stephen: Well it's very simple... do whatever it takes. Michael: It's that simple? Stephen: Yes... you can't fail if you don't give up.
Good luck to everyone who chooses the more challenging path. The one that creates a different sense of self that will always change. It is a good thing. And we should be happy that life is never stagnant. Sometimes it is hard to adapt but we always do.
I've been awake for a while now You've got me feelin' like a child now Cause every time I see your bubbly face I get the tingles in a silly place
It starts in my toes And I crinkle my nose Where ever it goes I always know That you make me smile Please stay for a while now Just take your time Wherever you go
The rain is falling on my window pane But we are hiding in a safer place Under cover staying dry and warm You give me feelings that I adore
I've been asleep for a while now You tuck me in just like a child now 'Cause every time you hold me in your arms I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth
It starts in my soul And I lose all control When you kiss my nose The feeling shows Cause you make me smile baby Just take your time now Holdin' me tight
Where ever, where ever, where ever you go Where ever, where ever, where ever you go
Where ever you go I always know Cause you make me smile Even just for a while
today is christmas day. I had passed out last night - not because of alcohol but because of my sickness and meds. I really felt like I would faint last night in the mass. Felt cold but wet with sweat. I could barely see straight. Still managed to finish the long homily on solstice and lumbered home. I can't remember much of the rest of the evening except a blurred confusion. Too many things were said that day that I am left with more reasons to ponder and overanalyze. Here is another reason to begin taking up yoga. To learn to release and not have this tension in the mind. I might just cause my own aneurism. There are those rooting me on. There are those who are ambivalent. And then there's me. kicking apart all this drama - i just want to not be sick. hehe. it's christmas day! lots of food! jb gave us a DVD game which my cousins and I can play later. there are just so many things i want to do today with good health. I'm avoiding any antiobiotics so that i can still get my dose of the bubbly later. hehe.
Anyway, to everyone - have a merry merry christmas! :)
We watch the season pull up its own stakes And catch the last weekend of the last week Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced, Another sun soaked season fades away
You have stolen my heart
Invitation only, grant farewells Crush the best one, of the best ones Clear liquor and cloudy eyed, too early to say goodnight
You have stolen my heart
And from the ballroom floor we are in celebration One good stretch before our hibernation Our dreams assured and we all, will sleep well
You have stolen my heart
I watch you spin around in the highest heels You are the best one, of the best ones We all look like we feel
this christmas is a time to spend with family and loved ones. We tend to forget that it is also the time for faith and hope - because Jesus was born. I failed to realize this until it was brought to my attention by someone who didn't even believe in Jesus. We had named so many gatherings as Christmas celebrations which is against so many religions since they do not believe in this significant date. How many of us are guilty of overlooking the other different faiths and people? So we generally use it as a reason for giving thanks and warmth to all those around us. Being a catholic, I have to keep both of these things in mind for they have relevance and create a big solid pillar of hope. Know that in this life you are meant for something, though it may be elusive right now, I have to believe that it is true.
This coming week is also the last of the year. A time to clean house, start fresh and make sure old acquaintances are not forgotten. I want to treat it as way to recharge my batteries, rekindle what disappointment has weakened, simply find the strength.
I have to come clean now. I have not been to mass in several months. If ever I had, I may not have listened to a single word - so it is as if I was absent. But today I felt the need to. The desire to uplift my soul, at least to begin communicating with Him again. We have been lost. I had held a grudge for so many months, about a year for what fate has given me and the love of my life. I want to let this go, let go of the past that has made me feel the struggle and rage. I made a decision, gave up my strength so that someone I love can find it and keep it. The sacrifice should not have been accompanied by a selfish resentment. I hope that it is not too late...we can always hope.
Every street is dark And folding out mysteriously Where lies the chance we take to be always working Reaching out for a hand that we can't see Everybody's got a hold on hope It's the last thing that's holding me
Invitation to the last dance Then it's time to leave But that's the price we pay when we deceive One another She opens up for free Everybody's got a hold on hope It's the last thing that's holding me
Look at the talkbox in mute frustration At the station There hides the cowboy His campfire flickering on the landscape
That nothing grows on But time still goes on And through each life of misery Everybody's got a hold on hope It's the last thing that's holding me - Guided By Voices
I think I've been pretty lucky lately. For someone who doesn't believe in it, that would be wierd right? I even had this strong feeling in my bones that I would win that 1,000,000 bucks raffle draw. I actually got four correct symbols and need just one more card - but nada. It's ok...there are still a few days left.
There has been so much good news lately, I couldn't help but squeal about it to jabe last night over the phone. After a long day of setting up the media christmas party, then a long evening of the party proper, I SHOULD have been passed out in bed. But I was still giddy, as I have been for the past several days.
First, I was deeelighted with my christmas bonus - a symbol of appreciation from my boss on my hard work this past year. Second, I found out I'm going to Kota Kinabalu on January for the Asian Kick-Off Conference. Again, i'll be with all the corporate bigwigs along with my other counterparts from other countries. But hey, it has apparently been called "paradise" so here's to finding a great bathing suit in the middle of the christmas season and then making sure I have the body to fit it. If my flight is via Singapore, then I will ask for an extra few days to be with frances and raffy. I missed the AIM reunion though for reasons I will not divulge but still managed to hang out with my office buds. Another night I spent catching up with the Dom-ster who gave me my brand new Western Digital hard drive - birthday gift from JB. I guess that man knows exactly what makes me tick.
Tomorrow is our office christmas party and everyone is either hot or cold about it. Others are going all out with their belly dancing gear since the theme is Arabian Nights. I'm just going to be with Nic and Ash to set up early and then pamper ourselves before the event. If only a dip in the pool was possible. But will reserve that for next time.
The stress has been unbelievable for lots. With the closing of books, impossible sales targets for only half a month, and lots and lots of paperwork to finish. Not to mention all the parties! geez. Have one tomorrow, two on thursday, sleep through the weekend, another thingy next wednesday and a birthday on the 22nd. And then I have friends coming in on the 20th and 21st. when am i supposed to wrap the gifts??
ok, i should get to bed since have an early appointment tomorrow before the company christmas party. happy holidays!
I am pooped. Over the long weekend I was able to jump start my christmas shopping and think I kind of went overboard. There are just so many people I want to take this chance to say thank you to. For being such kind souls and to remind them that they are not forgotten during these happy holidays. I woke up extremely early (for me) last friday and skipped off to Market Market at 11am. Four trips back and forth to my car (yes that's how much I couldn't carry) and I was finally done at 4pm. It is very tiring but the people are worth it, i know. Labor of loooove. Funny thing is I kept going back to get more stuff for my family. It seems wierd but I just kept thinking how much they would love certain things that I couldn't resist. We are such a uniquely idiotic set of relations and who are just the best riot blend. I love my family so much, I wouldn't trade our little squeeze for any other fam in the world. I suppose everyone feels that way about their families. And it is a great feeling!
So anyway, back to my shopping...after that afternoon I just couldn't get out of bed. I missed Andre's birthday stay-in but that's ok. Slept early and woke up again early (good habit starting!) to find my mom and her cleaning bug - in preparation for the Christmas decor to be spewed across our new house. It's our first christmas here! yahoo! Our tree is smack in the japanese garden where its plastic splendor will be sprinkled with rain should it pour this december. So what did i do? I painstakingly had all my posters and paintings hung on the wall too and started cleaning. Again, very very tiring. And today I got to do an inventory for gift-giving. This is actually early for me since I usually start shopping around the 20th of december with all the work to be done at the office.
I'm going to great lengths to avoid getting sick with this wonderful cold weather. Which reminds me, Misa de Galo (did I spell that right?) starts soon. Usually waking up that early gets me sick after two days which is why I never get to finish it. Always wanted to go through the whole thing with my lovah but has never happened.
I suppose I am getting into the spirit of things. Even with all the projects STILL ongoing at the office. My two-person team is feeling the pressure but we push on. I hope to get everything done in the next two weeks because I am going on well-deserved leave. My boss has been the best, very supportive and understands how this is long overdue. I just have to make sure everything goes smoothly during my absence. I've already completed 90% of my 2008 plans. How's that for preparation? I am feeling more in tune with my work life. I feel more at home with my loved ones - friends and family. This year I got to do my share in the world and make several children very happy. I feel peaceful. That's what this Christmas means to me, spread the joy!
everybody needs a plan. Or do they? We write so many to-do lists on a daily basis and yet we never really know where we're going or what we want to do for the next five or so years. I had a plan. And it has officially commenced. I can say that I am happy about that but like I said, everyone needs a plan. So i've just been thinking to myself, gathering ideas and thoughts to figure out just what it is I want. Some things are beyond your control, there are things that can keep you from progressing but not talking about things you regret helps.
So many people coming in to town for the holidays. I can't help but be excited and have made these little plans but not the big one. Maybe I've been getting distracted by short term that I'm having a hard time with the long one. But i've made myself an ultimatum. Come the new year I will have decided. I will have gotten enough perspective on whether or not a relationship is something in the stars or if I will find that new path I've been dreaming of. I can't say it is all easy. Change makes for a very strong will and resilience that I have yet to be confident about. But looking forward to seeing one of my best buds come in to discuss it with me anyway. I miss our weekly talks about poetic license and leisure. Rum cokes with the sloshed sweetie. I'd say same time same place but that venue is already gone. Maybe it is time to find a new playing field.
This is my world. This is who I am. And I'm not gonna give up myself to make your life better. And you want me to change. I can't get used to
all you want me to be and I just can't pretend to be anyone else 'cause it's not really me. - Darius Rucker
