I'm so tempted to have a nice bright pink dress made! goes well with a tan too. i'm really looking forward to getting blasted this weekend - two birthday parties! - and then cure my hangover by taking a dip in the pool. mmmm...how great is that?
don't know why I feel more bubbly now. maybe it was the well needed rest. maybe it's the delusions i'm in. ignorance and romantic imagination is best.
chocolate - snow patrol stolen - dashboard confessional (source of entry title) the reason why - the click five open your eyes - alter bridge concrete seconds - pinback salamin - overtone crying like a church on monday - new radicals always love - nada surf extraordinary - mandy moore can't finish what you started - motion city soundtrack lovestoned - justin timberlake miracle - foo fighters
either for the lyrics, for the beat or i just want to learn how to play the songs :) i got to learn one of them already today. After that long awaited swim in the pool. With my body aching, my fingers still managed to push through. Never thought I'd be happy to see callouses on the tips again.
ah another sunday. I can say i'm still sensitive to loud noises from last friday's festivities. This hangover can last too long. But sundays are always relaxing. It seems to go by so fast that I completely miss it hanging out in my room or bed, to be exact. What's even better is that tomorrow is a holiday - and yet all i can think of is going to the office to clean up my clutter. The disorganization has been getting to me. So much wasted time and lack of foresight. I need to get back in gear.
Last night i stayed in and watched Click. Everyone's been telling me to catch that flick and I'm glad that I did. The metaphor cited on finding just cereal instead of a pot of gold does ring true. Not like we all don't know it already. I have had many a conversation about the need to balance the life. It is possible - without forsaking any responsibilities or deadlines. I have observed that after a certain age, I've stopped pushing too far. And yet still find myself, unwittingly, trying to reach my own high expectations. If only for personal pride. Just to be able to say I was not mediocre. I did not live life without giving it my all.
Relationships included. I know I've given my whole commitment. My loyalty and my passions. If it was not meant for me, then it is what was supposed to happen. But not for lack of commitment. Maybe these men are just not my match. Sometimes you think it is...and yet Someone knows better.
Last Friday was Frances' bridal shower cum girls night out. For all the years we've known each other, this was the first time we've gone out on a long night. Think we got home at 3 or 4am. I prepared tiaras for all the girls and of course the bride-to-be had the nicest and bigger one with an ostrich feather boa to boot. I have to admit it was cute. Told her it was meant to be her honeymoon outfit. haha! I think she enjoyed it :) Plus the girls and I had so much catching up to do - there wasn't a dull moment when we had nothing to talk about. Topics ranged from extremes and I can't remember laughing that much.
And last night I thought of sending a sweet message to one of my best-est buddies for his birthday but decided it was better to give him a call. Great. Answering service. But he called back immediately and in about 30 minutes we got up to date on everything. I miss that guy so much. Both lying in bed and exchanging thoughts of state-of-our-personal-nations. If only we could have been talking in one bed and just falling asleep after. Lately I've been thinking about going to New York more often than not. We made pseudo-plans of meeting up in May next year when the weather is much more pleasant. A vacation would be well deserved and I can imagine all the great adventures I could have in just three weeks. I've never been to New York and I'm really getting excited about visiting. Who knows what would lie ahead for me?
I am young. 30 years to be exact going on 31. So many would think that is old (that would be me) and so many tell me I'm still young. When I met this guy Tim a few years ago he told me he was going to Europe. I asked why and he said, it was a goal he had by the time he reached 30. And he did. I had two goals all my life - to build my parents a dream house and to be a manager by age 30. I got one down. But I think it's time to think of yet another one to aspire for. Starting a family would be out of the question. Somehow I know I would be happy with it but I can't settle for the mediocre possibilities at the moment. Like I said, I hate mediocrity. In everything I do. All out baby.
I'm already computing how much my birthday is going to set me back. My guest list has grown from the estimated 20 to a larger 45. And that's just a very minimal set. It would be good to get everyone together though. What's nice with throwing a party is it makes you think of giving thanks to the sweethearts in your life. Whether they were there in moment of crisis or for a much needed diversion, they are part of one's end credits.
I think I posted this song once in my blog before. But it never fails to give me melancholic peace. Makes you want to throw a whole ton of balloons in the air. Just for the beauty of it.
Think I’m goin home I think I’m gettin lost for a while Tired of getting stoned And thinkin ‘bout you in the night
So I’ll file away all my dreams Though I still believe in everything
Honestly over you Honestly over you One lie short of true Honestly over you
Lookin for some hope Polished off the whiskey tonight You turned a man to stone For lookin at you straight in the eyes
So I’ll drive away with all my things Though I’ve a faint belief in everything
Honestly over you Honestly over you And I’ll tell the world Honestly over you
i'm stumped about my birthday. I kind of have an idea to treat out a few people but not really sure what's the best way. Maybe I should just go with my first idea and not do anything. I had been toying with the idea of having a few friends over the house. Or just do the usual - get drunk in capones. Talked to a few of the guys today and we fiddled with the idea of having it in my house. I'm just worried we can't make much noise if my parents are asleep and they would end up playing PS3 the whole night anyway. And then they got another great idea of our long overdue poker game. Hmmm...I really wish I could figure this out...
Think I'll ask a few more people tomorrow for a consolidated answer...
To think, it falls on the weekend of my big final bang of an event and we all said - nobody is going to be OIC the next day. hehe. I guess I can imagine what everyone is going to be doing then. As much as I'd like the house, they're going to be kind of a big number and I wouldn't want to take care of anyone - not that I would be able to - and clean up in the end. That would suck, right? Decisions decisions...
i can say i'm pretty contented. Don't know how long it will last but it's been a good weekend where i was able to completely escape. No thoughts of a hopeless relationship or any of that self-pity crap. More like a redemption of sorts. I'm still pretty pooped. Was in tagaytay since Friday. I hope no one I know got caught up in the bomb and fire this weekend. We all used the wifi to get real updates on our laptops through the course of the working session. I've heard of close calls (Ari, you better be saying thank you to the universe) and got to touch base with people I cared about just to check if they were all safe.
I then got so blasted friday evening, needed a moment to gather my memory the next morning. Overall it was worth it. Productive. Rewarding. Appreciation from my boss and my own expectations met.
I admit it for the past few months i've been talking to my friends about being in this rut. The rut of a 25 year old for the past 30 years. Nothing seems to have changed. But really, i guess it's a frame of mind. How many other people would want to be in my shoes? And here I am, still wanting what I haven't got. Greed is not a good thing. I do appreciate people and I give back. I think that's what is important. Not being able to take a third party perspective would be a different kind of ignorance. I would hate to be that fair weather friend who looks down on others, not even remembering that you were once in that same point in your life. So you give thanks. You look out for them. And you remember who was there for you when you needed it the most. This paragraph is a rambling of many thoughts.
had a very long day last thursday. So much preparations and also some relationships to define. Had three different conversations of various themes that really took its toll on my emotional state. But in the end, i'm glad I got it done. I found myself walking the perimeter of my office to refill my pockets for the tagaytay trip, in a daze of exhaustion. I looked up and saw these outstretched arms ready to greet me. That was a good hug. I really needed that. The unexpected is something I've always liked and enjoyed. Surprises. Just when you think that it isn't going to get any sweeter, it does.
i'm still not sure if i'm looking forward to my birthday or not...
we don't need to go that far let's hold on to where we are if it's real we'll make it through cause all i need is you we dont need the world right now we've got time to work it out I've been really getting into click five. and my new collection of music with Moss hehe.
my first favorite song in the Overtone album, EVEN THOUGH. Jay sounds very different. And I kinda have an idea about the stories behind most of the songs (all guesses) but this one I can't put my finger on. Still wondering who, when and why this was written. Guess I have drifted from the boys for while. But then again when I do see them, I get to give em all big bearhugs! mwaaaaah!
as i walk alone, i see you in my mind I can't escape the feeling that you left behind and I am awake with my feet flat on the ground I'll take my chances even though you're not around
even though you're far away, you know i need you even though i know it's gonna take some time i'll be waiting
and i don't care much, what they all talk about it's not theirs to mind, they don't know what it's like they can't tell me what to do 'cause it's my life a part of you is all i need to keep alive
even though you're far away you know i need you even though you know it's gonna take some time i'll be waiting
and i know that you'll be back here by my side and i know that you feel the same way too, even though...
even though you're gone i know that you're still with me even though you're gone, it's gonna take some time i'll be waiting
so i suppose its time to rally up the troops. i'll be out of town in the early part of the weekend. hopefully getting drunk on the free booze that everyone is bringing. but i do remember talking to sungit about hanging out together this saturday (dibs! haha!) so hopefully that pushes through. lacking in quality time! and the buds suggested going to capones together but i mean, can't you guys bring me somewhere else?? sigh. i missed a birthday party and some other nights out so i guess i'll give in to whatever they want.
and hey, overtone will be playing so should be a good night. hehe. i am going to be so out of commission by sunday. just like today. i'm going transformers again, as erik puts it.
take the time to lay low. and once everything's better, it's a fresh start again. no more disappointments. no more latching onto old promises. leaving you behind. it's about time.
I found your picture in my wallet Still got your sweater in my closet I'll bring 'em by Maybe tonight
And people asking how I'm doing? But every question still has you in I say I'm fine And I never think about you But you're always on my mind
I'm getting over you I'm getting over you most of the time If I say it like I mean it Then maybe I'll believe it like it's true I'm getting over you
I've been playing all the songs you hated I called the girl (boy) I almost dated She's not the one But I'm having fun And I'm better off without you And I think it's what I want
Even if it takes forever I'll get my shit together I've been doing be so much better
To think I said i'd fight for this. what's the point if i'm the only one in the ring? this is going to be a sucky birthday. and happy one year anniversary since the day i was left behind.
How can one thing give you both happiness and pain at the same time? It’s like a bad movie wherein you feel two different poles of emotions that you end up looking like some neurotic schizophrenic madman. Laughing and crying. Excited and then you get hit by some unidentified sharp object. Irony is something the ignorant never endure.
Yeah hope could be a great thing. Gives you something to aspire for and drive you on the most intricate of obstacles. Because you only think of something better. I always relished the thought of being needed. Not even me physically but my opinions maybe or my views. Being heard, make that listened to by someone other than your own psyche provides you with a sense of significance. One of the best experiences I ever had was sharing a nightcap with one of my oldest and most admired friends. I looked up to him for his views, perceptions of so many aspects in life, talent and wisdom. And that night he was asking what I thought. What my views were and what would I do in his shoes. Just by doing that he made me so special. Imagine you held someone of such high regard and yet they thought you were important? It feels great. Without fake bullshit. Without sugarcoated praise. The mere act of listening to you gives you a satisfaction or authenticity as a person. My ever faithful brother said, he is one of the very few people who could make me feel good about myself by just expressing interest. In my life, in my contribution to his thoughts. I like that feeling. If you ever have that with someone, you should savor it.
You never know when someone could unexpectedly hit you with another unidentified flying sharp object.
Today I tried to have the better demeanor. There are the usual disappointments and stressful situations with suppliers which is more like a daily routine or problem that can only be solved with a steadfast resolve. Same as with last Saturday, instead of blowing a gasket, a cool head and smile kept my blood pressure down but was still able to communicate the demands required of the situation. Same as today. And with just the meager thought of seeing an opportunity for a colleague, I was given a very sweet message that gives me even more motivation to maintain this disposition. There are those people who appreciate the tiny things you do for them. And so I go back to the initial point when I started writing this. There are those times when the shortest of phrases can blow you to the ground. But it can also go the other way around.
To my good friend - now known as Happy. Good luck in London dear. Maybe your life will be much better there. I just spoke to my other friend Ane who has found herself in Sydney. I think you will also find the love you lost when you grew up too fast too soon. I am very proud of you sistah. Just me, your diminutive little ball of friendly fire.
haven't really given much hints as to where I work but I kind of can't hide my delight (hint hint) with the new program we just launched. It took several months and tons of hurdles but it is finally up!
And the ad is one of those I can be so proud of. Thanks of course to our relentless agency... so let's see...there are several other things to finish...that's one-two-three...ok about six more before the year ends but with my new assistant in tow, I think my new "team" can take it head on. Not to mention the trip to Beijing (i need to get my visa) and Frances' wedding next month. I am so pooped. But still going. energizer bunny in a different light.
This entry isn't astounding but what the hell. Mom also just told us that the APP art contest has just been announced. we basically have a month to submit. Wow, well i've got all the time in the world then! hehe. But it got me thinking what I want to bring to life. I have my color of choice - red. passion. fiery. love it.
Think i will take that well needed rest in December. Not to mention somebody will be visiting manila soon. wouldn't that be the best christmas gift ever! i'm just counting the days although i was not given any inkling as to the day of arrival.
I also want to introduce MOSS. Named after a very adorable character from the I.T. CROWD - a british series I've been watching recently. There were a few problems in the beginning but he started running smooth and easy. Moss is my first ever big purchase I can be proud of. All my own. Even my dad got shocked when i came home with this box. What's That? he said. I replied - my laptop. I just bought it today. naks. one word to describe my new baby slapped with 80MB storage and coreduo processor - awesome. i just need to get over the fear of putting stuff in because I want him to stay a pristine virgin (from viruses) forever. Right frank? hehe.
Lastly, if you see a swarm of people running around with their big-ass cams and lenses in Makati City this saturday - that's our event. another one of my baybehs. It's a race against time and skill. Should be a great experience. I hope it does NOT rain. And hope all 300 participants enjoy it. We'll be giving the top two winners a trip to japan! woohoo! plus I get to see my friends play at the after-party. Maybe I'll have the strength to go with them after.
Capped off the night with my mom squealing (as moms should) when she saw me on tv in the World News. Funny how my mom and sis are the commercial models and me and my dad come out for work-related tv segments. They showed me with the Bantay Bata kids. That's what I did the other saturday. It was really great and makes you feel like your efforts are rewarded, by that simple warm hug from a happy child. If only I could show you pictures but we have to protect their identities.
I suppose it won't be so hard for strangers to figure out who I am with this entry but I suppose I have nothing to hide. Lots of good vibes lately and I have nothing but happy thoughts for everyone. Except that jeepney driver who almost hit me this morning. haha.
i really think this girl is going to make it big...think she already is in the US. i accidentally came across her while looking for a song on youtube and started going through her originals also. really really talented! think she's like part japanese or something. Anyway, see and hear for yourself.
This is my world. This is who I am. And I'm not gonna give up myself to make your life better. And you want me to change. I can't get used to
all you want me to be and I just can't pretend to be anyone else 'cause it's not really me. - Darius Rucker
