Ugh. So hungover again. But somehow not as bad as the other few times. Maybe because I was able to sleep in as opposed to going to the office. Didn’t think I would be able to do it but got to hang out with two groups of friends last night. Headed off to pier 1 first in Pasong Tamo to have some happy hour with office friends. Haven’t gone drinking with them in a while so thought it would be fun and I shouldn’t flake. What do you know…buy two get one free offer! So I downed the three drinks in about one hour and wobbled off to my car. Noticed I wasn’t driving that well so good thing I was leaving it at home. E picked me up and we raced off to QC for another poker game. My second time to play so I was kinda excited. Apparently it helps to be wasted while playing because for about the first few hours, I was chip leader. They were cracking up at the thought that I was winning – for someone who could barely see anything anymore. Hahaha! Then just when I thought I was ok…J gives me an all-in move and me with the highest pair figured I could call his bluff. And then a Straight. Didn’t see that coming. Everyone did seem pretty patient with me the past two times I’ve played with them and they were gladly reminding me of the rules – except for one of my ex boyfriends who was also there who was so cold and snappy – I called that bluff in. Sometimes I have the guts to just say something out loud and told him – lighten up! Geeeeez. To which E messaged me to ask what I was thinking and I said…I’m wondering about ten years ago with this guy – what WAS I thinking! Hahaha. Don’t get me wrong, he’s nice and funny. Just don’t know why I liked him more than that. At around 3am we called it a night and had a bit of breakfast before heading home. Always hard to control my liquor when I know I’m not driving. Then I kind of lose any logic of conscientious drinking.
So today I am pooped and will most likely flake on tonight’s Piedra plans. Still up for Tabu Tuesdays but will see how I hold up. Just got back from a business trip in Davao and still have Cebu trip to plan. When am I going to get all riled up for the US? This is what happens when you’re made to be so busy at work to make up for the two weeks I’ll be gone…plus trying to maintain a balance of life.
Hmm…so there’s something to be said about all my sweeties – A, A, M, M, E, F, J…all rallying to my side for the past week. Making sure even a few curse words will get me on the floor laughing. Lots of tough love which is incidentally what I need. A periodic slap or bonk on the head to wake me up to something I’ve long stopped believing. Even telling me to my face that I’m fat – even when everyone says I’ve lost weight. It keeps me going and on track. Never complacent or self-depracating. I miss hanging out with the other two-A girls though. A good coffee date with them would really be good about now.
As I’m writing this now…my genius bro is trying to fix the irritatingly decrepit internet.
I feel satisfied at being able to break the bind of three bollocks botch-ups. The first two still assuming that they stand a chance but me, thinking otherwise. No match for the HBG! Hahahaha. Find your own meaning for that acronym. The Dutchess digs your graves.
A moon is without its own gravity.It is a collection of particles that has become a satellite…of another being. It detects the gravity of a planet and latches itself onto it. Causes it to revolve around another. And just keeps on circling. Cold without life.It continues each passing day for another.
Will a moon ever revolve around itself?
David Cook rocks. I love all his songs right now!
Are you waiting for something 'cause there's a tension in the air Of something unresolved I can smell it in your hair So step down (step down) Look around (look around) You could leave it all behind Never hear another sound Say you're holding onto someone They will never show you the same
So don't say a word that I wouldn't say Just crumble it up and throw it away We're just wasting time We're taking up space So don't say a word That I wouldn't say to you
Are you breathing for nothing 'cause there's a vision in my eye Of something unresolved I swear it feels like this could die I can see (I can see) To a degree (to a degree) A broken back is always something If you did it saving me Say you're holding onto nothing And it's showing all over your face
So don't say a word that I wouldn't say Just grumble it out and throw it away We're just wasting time We're taking up space So don't say a word That I wouldn't say to you, to you
SeeqPod - Playable Search On my last trip to SF I discovered this band thanks to my friend Jim. I would wake up from a night of incessant fervor to these songs. I can't describe how great it is to hear these soothing songs, see the sunlight piercing through the glass and feeling the warmth. I love SF. I can't wait to go back.
So I made this playlist. Of songs that make me feel. I’ve been staying up late out with friends for the past few nights so decided to stay home now. I’m meeting R tomorrow for a well-deserved lunch. Don’t know if it will do me good – not being able to stop myself from telling stories – will it really lessen the anxiety? I hope so.
I’d gotten some good advice tonight. At least I know I’m going on the right path. At least I am looking forward to something better. A big change. I am thankful for not becoming the person who lives for topping someone else. I wear my heart on my sleeve and even if it causes me periodic regret, it is my medal of courage.
Am happy to hug J again. I've touched base with those others I've left behind. Old friends who have been forgotten, now forgiven. It is true what they say about release. I find myself laughing so much the past few weeks, a bit of it due to feeling lighter.
I’m learning to consign to my emotions. My thinking cap has been placed on a mantel just as a reminder to be practical, and anytime I know I can place it back on. But not when I am happy. It needs no introduction, nor explanation. No analysis as to why or where or whom. It is reason enough on its own.
You will see this image I placed on the top right. A woman listening to the music. Succumbing to why it can inspire and fuel passions. This is what makes a good time for me. I can imagine a nice day on a field of grass. Playing a bit of music. Resting on someone’s arms. Falling asleep. It is like a dream. Yeah. I admit it. I have just as much mush as the next woman. No matter what others may think or say.
Someone told me earlier that…right now all I need to do is save money. Hardly what I expected but he also told me it could be in preparation for something else. You never know what may happen in the next months. It can all happen sooner than you think.
Car lights in the driveway I wonder who's going coming my way Tomorrow we're turning down the highway With another bright stage on a weekday Green grass and a radio Watching it fly past and away we go Seven hundred places seven hundred faces more
All your ways and all your thunder Got me in a haze running for cover Where we gonna go from here Where we gonna go from here The back of your eyes look like my mothers When we talk your like my brother Where we gonna go from here Where we gonna go from here
Time is moving on our side How could I miss you to another guy Pull of the ocean and the roaring tide Is bigger than my eyes or my design Father got a best plan Saving his daughter for the best man Seven hundred places seven hundred faces more
I've waited and I'll wait some more Won't see me knocking on another door But all this is crazy and amazing There's only one half of us that I'm saving So I'm praying just to let it go Watch from a distance just to see you glow Seven hundred places seven hundred faces more
i feel a certain lucidity. It could be my current affliction or exhaustion but the state of mind has been one of float and content. oh to hear someone sing the david cook version of "always be my baby" to keep you all aflutter.
my professor once told me that being inebriated can bring you to a level of prophecy. It helps you tap into this certain plane wherein you can foresee things. And then we all know that enough lack of sleep is equivalent to that of being legally drunk. so putting all this together, I am trying to see things but still remain in, not gray but, cloudy white. so much for that.
downloaded all of david cook's songs from the american idol album. downloading others from youtube prior to converting to mp3s. having been home for a good half day, was able to talk to F. Amazingly was able to encapsulate my past month with her in just a few minutes.
Finally joined the hell that is facebook. it is definitely addicting and surprisingly intriguing given my lack of knowledge. I get bored easily. I realized from experience that when things get figured out almost instantly, i tend to look for something else. No matter how much I whine about it, that is the truth of me. Discovery keeps me interested...completely enamored. But can't tell you for how long.
I'm glad to have been able to learn something. Contribute a little more to realizing what I am looking for.
Welcome to the fallout Welcome to resistance The tension is here Between who you are and who you could be Between how it is and how it should be
Maybe redemption has stories to tell Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell Where can you run to escape from yourself? Where you gonna go? Salvation is here
I dare you to move I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor I dare you to move Like today never happened Today never happened
i think i've caused too much panic in the past. today was filled with many lectures and warning signs from several friends that i have now started to feel the fear with heightened intensity. to think i had been just relishing whatever happens, going with the flow and feelings...but they have gone through many of my downward spirals that they can already foresee the crash.
i may have made a mistake. i know. but the reality check shouldn't have to preempt possibilities. there is still no sure thing. no matter what stage you think you're in. there are many who lack direction, just like me. so instead of hiding out and doing nothing, we take it a day at a time. until that path finds its clarity.
if the past year has been about getting out of someone's gravity pull, i have successfully detached and i'm now in search for the clarity. things will happen in their own due time. i'm stopping all the expectations and all the assumptions. just let it all go.
I worry, I weigh three times my body I worry, I throw my fear around But this morning, there's a calm I can't explain The rock candy's melted, only diamonds now remain
By the time I recognize this moment This moment will be gone But I will bend the light, pretend that it somehow lingered on Well all I got's ooh ooh
And I will wait to find if this will last forever And I will pay no mind That it won't and it won't because it can't Because it just can't, it just can't It's not supposed to
Was there a second of time that I looked around? Did I sail through or drop my anchor down Was anything enough to kiss the ground? And say I'm here now and she's here now
So much wasted in the afternoon So much sacred in the month of June How bout you
And I will wait to find if this will last forever And I will pay no mind when it won't and it won't Because it won't And I will waste no time worried 'bout no rainy weather And I will waste no time remaining in our lives together
sometimes emotions can get the best of you and only to find out your brain has left the building. I need to keep everything intact and also remember that nothing can be foretold. To throw expectations out the window and as A said, keep to the plan initially made - is the better option.
And yet in a span of two days, my new york trip itinerary has changed. I am like a giggly schoolgirl again and every five minutes, feel like there is a need to slap myself in the face to snap out of it. R was right though, the best thing i could do for myself is to take this trip. It may or may not go according to plan - like I may not be able to go to Pixar (waaaah!) but as with anything, there shouldn't be any promises to be made. The mystery remains intact which is why we have excitement, fear and...never losing hope.
I am also excited because prior to leaving myself, my bestest friend in the whole wide world is coming home. with a baby in the burner. The month of July will definitely be hectic and I will be a busy wreck. Not to worry, this is how i like it. lag and lapses of extra time is not something I enjoy often. My need for personal space is very much existing but it isn't an excuse not to keep buzzing about.
Came home at 2am last night...kind of early in hindsight but more so because I was still tapped into the juices of the previous evening/morning so got hit pretty fast. The heat didn't help either so i'm dehydrated as can be.
ok just finished talking to my cousin. I have one place to stay in, now need to confirm the other one. Aaaaaargh! as if I wasn't giddy enough, going on this trip is going to be one hell of a vacation. I wish the dollar would get a better rate just so I could buy some more extra for buffer. Or I could just use my credit card anyway.
Almost forgot about tonight! i gotta get my to-do list done early just so I'll be able to get some rest and beauty time. So I suppose it's good I got to wake up early today.
Was just thinking again about the motivation behind this trip. I still lack the insight to create my direction - where do I want to go and be. But it is part of the hope that every little step brings me closer to it.
Laid underneath the stars, Strung out and feeling brave. Watch the riddles glow, Watch them float away.
With all the excitement yesterday, by the time I got home I was so pooped. I had not had lunch either because of lack of appetite so gorged on my favorite tinapa for dinner. after which, i just plopped into bed and zoned out. I'm always afraid of getting sick so i'll get rest as much as i can. having gone out late till 230am the previous morning was also not helping. but think it was worth it ;)
giddy giddy all over. don't even know why. well, actually i do but can't understand it. another simple example of how not to overanalyze things and just enjoy the moment. What's that they said in Kung Fu Panda? the past is history, the future is a mystery, but the right now is a gift. that's why they call it the Present. woohoo! philosophy from a turtle! still loved it.
so since i slept before the usual bedtime, what time did i wake up today? 530 in the friggin morning. i've already had my coffee and am just about to get ready for work. i contemplated working out but was afraid i was pushing it. still a bit hungover after closing down two places last monday but i guess that's what happens when you're having fun - no one wants to go home.
yesterday i just kept bouncing around - trying to contain whatever excitement. not expecting anything but ended up squealing like a little piggy in the evening. kulang na lang M, A and A would hit me at the back of my head to calm me down.
Oh yeah and did i mention i am going to win a million bucks later? :) wonder if today will be all smiles yet again...i love being excited and hopefully it becomes contagious for everyone at the office.
there is something anticlimactic about not being the first. but then again, the journey towards what you want should be where most of the fun is right?
i haven't been writing lately to keep my story a bit more private. Can't say the same for what my friends go through on a daily basis, i dread my phone bill this month!
last saturday i felt uplifted after waking up early and forgoing the expected hangover to get my car tuned and lubed. Spent the whole day with the mechanic while they changed the oil, fixed up some parts and gave it a good shampoo-rub down. it is so gorgeous now under the hood - i just had to take a photo after! it looks brand new - all black and shiny inside. Didn't help when that cute guy came up to look at my engine - the car, not me - and shot me a smile for peeking in. I just avoided him for fear that he would see all the sweat on my skin! it WAS a really hot day.
And then the night before caught up with me. Collapsed in bed early after getting my new treadmill. Today felt ready for anything. I just spent the first warm up hour on my treadmill (let's call him, teddy) that has left me feeling much healthier. Tomorrow morning I'll try it out again - maybe for longer this time.
I'm still giddy. After mass I just kept saying "thankyouthankyouthankyou" for the sweetness on the other end of the phone. Drove out the parking lot of magallanes with a smile that wouldn't quit. Bugged A and M which I think left them drained. hehe. I can't help it! it's just been one anticipated week after another. just when you think it's going down, something brings it up again. All this excitement that i'm trying to supress - poise...poise...aaaaaugh!:)
Good thing I did some kind of work out today so that I will be able to sleep tonight. Dumdeedeedum.
Take me on a trip I'd like to go someday Take me to New York, I'd like to see LA I really want to come kick it with you You'll be my american boy
it's really really nice to meet ya I just met this 5 foot 7 guy who's just my type Like the way he's speaking, his confidence is peaking I'm liking this american boy
This is my world. This is who I am. And I'm not gonna give up myself to make your life better. And you want me to change. I can't get used to
all you want me to be and I just can't pretend to be anyone else 'cause it's not really me. - Darius Rucker
